I try VERY hard to be a good person. Not because I think I get brownie points or expect for my life to be flawless but simply because I have a conscience and desire to deposit good things into the universe.
I’ve been getting calls about someone I used to deal with being sick, suicidal and apparently not doing so well. It was suggested that I call them or send them a text to simply show some support. My immediate response was, HELL NO. But not because I am cold hearted or fuck it, maybe I am but because I just didn’t want to reignite any drama or bullshit.
After thinking about it, and really analyzing my resolution to be a better person, I reconsidered my decision and sent a very brief text. It read, “I heard life was dealing you a difficult hand. Sending you well wishes.”
I know, you are thinking what the fuck is the big deal for me to post a blog about it. If you knew the level of difficulty and the emotional baggage that follows along with this situation and person you would understand. EVERYONE has that ONE person who was their kryptanite in their life whether a friend, lover, coworker or family member that you look back at your relationship and think “WHO WAS I WITH THAT PERSON??” Well THIS is that person for me.
We weren’t lovers or in a relationship, we were friends. This person took FULL advantage of my kindness and destroyed the life I knew. What makes me MORE mad about it is I LET HER!
The reason for the blog though? I am sharing this with you for several reasons but most importantly to say this, GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT! Texting someone you work SO hard to keep out of your life is just DUMB! For me, it didn’t start a conversation, thank goodness. But what it DID start was a reminder of the things that happened with them and like a movie stuck on replay. The negative emotions resurfaced and EVERYTHING I worked SO hard for to reach a healthy mental status is threatened by what is supposed to be a KIND GESTURE!!
3 years of pulling myself out of a depression this person caused. ALL of my hard work, determination and sacrifice to get to a healthy state of mind is jeopardized for someone who doesn’t deserve nor care about my good deed. I don’t need recognition for doing something kind and caring, but I certainly didn’t expect a personal digression and lash back either.
I knew better. I FUCKING KNEW BETTER! Now, to remove that negative energy from my life and out of my system so that I can move forward. It just sucks when you try to do something good and it turns out unexpectedly different than you intended or imagined. Any thoughts about this?